Things I'm Bringing Back
Losing and Finding Myself as a Mom
Summer is coming and life is brimming with possibilities. Since becoming a mom I have felt overwhelmed. Parenthood feels like never ending chaos accompanied by never ending dullness. Dead silence after finally settling my daughter down for a nap. I couldn’t enjoy it. I couldn’t regulate. I was perpetually exhausted. Before I realized it, I had lost myself. My daughter grew, but I did not. I was focused on getting through the day rather than enjoying it.
I initially did not notice how full my life had become. I pushed things out that made me me. Colourful graphic t-shirts and short shorts were replaced with thrifted maternity clothing. While pregnant I filled my free time learning about infancy. My social media feeds replaced alternative fashion with “Top 5 Pregnancy Foods.” After giving birth I had to stop doing yoga. Then I gave up video games. Music and movies followed.
Things shifted when I learned that if I want my daughter to have a beautiful life I need to give myself a beautiful life. The past few years have been chaotic and messy and I am eternally grateful for that. I’ve learned and grown so much, have a beautiful daughter, and actually feel content and motivated about my future for the first time in my life.
So here is what I am bringing back:
Journalling intentionally
Slow, screen-free mornings
Indulgent self-care
Imperfect creativity
Gentleness
I have been bringing these back in small ways. I am not perfect but I am being consistent. Showing up for myself daily in whatever way I can. Some days that means deep cleaning the house, teaching my daughter new skills, gardening, doing yoga, cooking supper, the list goes on. Other days it is bare minimum. Pajama day, processed food, chores undone. The point is that I have things I do in some capacity regardless of whatever is going on. 5 minutes of free time? Wanikani review. Is it a weekend? Screen free morning. I make time for myself in small pockets. In these moments I am not only meeting myself once again but I see the colour coming back to my life
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